Monday, September 3, 2007

Dear Friend

purposeful prose by Jack Michael

Hi, just following up with a short note to thank you for your call. Despite the chaotic story which was my last week (i was going to say "saga" but i promised myself i wasn't going to wax anything in this email) - hey do you suppose Peter would have read gay innuendo into that last remark? [We called him pee-pee-Peter since third grade, and i think it's made him afraid to come out of the clostet] ... and on that topic, but on the side, did you hear about Jerry Lewis dropping the F-bomb today, and by F-bomb, i mean "FAG"? Anywho, i just wanted to say that at the end of the day, your support was like a hug, which i needed. Because i'm deluded, and i actually thought i had a chance with that guy. You know, he coulda done something bold. Friggin' Greek god. For once in his life gone for the boy, not the body. Friggin Adonis Phlopodopoulos. The least he coulda done was call. Or send me an email. Screw him. And do you know what's funny, and by funny, i mean infuriating. I stayed up half the night writing him a dear Yannis letter.

Dear Yannis,
you're a putz, that's Yiddish for malaka. You're arrogant. In the words of the younger generation, "you ain't all that." And you're a liar too. And you're not even very nice... to me or other people. So go screw yourself!

[Disclaimer: But if you think a guy like you could make it with a guy like me, then please, give me a call.]

Jack Michael
SE Portland
But now i can't say anything. The son of a shipping magnate dumped me. It would look like sour retsina grapes. I've been kicked in the gyros, and there's nothing more i can do.

Now look. This turned out to be a pissy missive. Nigil complemented my writing in the middle of the night. I think we were all still up. It was nice. But i'm off now. Got me scotch. Had me pipe... a bit early in the day, you say? Not for this boy. My day starts early, calling Europe, where it's already Feierabend... Miller Time... And sometimes i stay up too late... watching Office Space, in German (with Italian subtitles), except for when i was switching on the Telethon... like i'm doing right now... Watching Office Space (without the telethon) because it pleases me. And i'm just that weird. Blue Portland weird.

Peace Out... (now where are my buddhist flags?)

your friend,
call back soon!

No comments: